


Where Sadness Grows

by ChaoticCupid



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)
Genre: Depression, Don't Worry There Is No Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:53:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22994263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticCupid/pseuds/ChaoticCupid
Summary: Everyone loves a cheeky lil vent fic now and then.
Relationships: Dr. Eggman | Dr. Robotnik/Agent Stone
Comments: 4
Kudos: 132





	Where Sadness Grows

**Author's Note:**

> This hasn't been beta read because it's 1am and this is a vent fic!  
> Hope you like the title. ;P I thought it was funny.

Life truly is a cruel mistress. It doesn’t matter how smart you are, what you’ve accomplished, nor how much money you have; if you’re depressed, then you’re depressed.  
Sometimes, it starts quietly; you don’t notice it. Perhaps it’s being tired no matter how much you sleep, or it’s being disappointed in everything you do. Sometimes it’s just a feeling of sadness, deep in your chest, that you don’t know the cause of. It always starts that way, and you don’t think much of it. But it grows. You ignore it, you tell yourself it’s just an off day- an off week, an off month, and it carries on. Any excuse to ignore what’s really going on. 

You can't ignore it forever. The Doctor learned this the hard way. At first, his behaviour wasn’t particularly unusual. Even the ever perceptive Agent Stone didn’t notice it. He was a man who preferred to remain secluded- so when he started shutting himself in his lab just a bit more, no one was any the wiser. When he started becoming more agitated by small things, no one gave it a second thought. Not even Robotnik noticed what was happening. Perhaps, in his subconscious, he was aware something was wrong. But he didn’t dare think of it. 

The first time it happened, the day was cold; it had been raining since the day before, just walking outside would have you soaked in mere seconds. This was usually ideal for him. He loved the rain; it was really the only unpredictable thing he loved. It was really the only time he’d open the windows in his lab; or take a break in the middle of the day to just stand in the vast land that surrounded his stationary lab; breathing in the fresh air, it was cold, refreshing, he felt like reality had been blurred so he didn’t have to think about anything.  
He truly felt calm in those moments, even if only for a short while. Yet as he walked out of his home that day, he felt nothing. He didn’t summon his robots to shelter him from the rain pelting his coat, he just stood there. He didn’t enjoy the cold air, nor the fog that seemed to go on for miles, he just stood there, and he felt nothing.

One of the most devastating things in life is realising you’ve come to feel nothingness towards something that would usually elicit such calmness in you.  
Still, he carried on with his day. He didn’t stare out of the window of his car and appreciate the land like he usually did, he simply stared forward, no coherent thoughts running through his head. He couldn’t think of anything as he walked into the lab, nor when he sat at his desk and stared at the blueprints from the previous day. He just sat there, waiting for something to happen, for some genius idea to pop into his head like it usually did. Nothing came.  
It wasn’t until Stone arrived that he looked up from the fixed point he’d been staring at on the wall for about an hour, at that point.  
“Good morning, Sir! I brought you your latté.” Stone said, smiling as he placed the steaming cup onto his desk. Robotnik stared at Stone for a moment, unsure of what to say, but he quickly decided if he were to get any work done today, he would have to stop acting so helpless.  
“Thank you, Stone. Get to work.” He’d turned straight back to his desk, returning to his work feeling a small amount more motivated than before. Even if only so Stone wouldn’t bother him with wild claims of the Doctor being ‘burned out’ and ‘needing a break’. 

Things carried on like this for a while. It wasn’t every day, but he’d begun to notice over a few months that little things he used to enjoy in his life no longer made him feel, well, anything at all. This pissed him off, more than anything. He had so few pleasures in his life, and one by one they were becoming just another nuisance. 

Agent Stone was the one consistent thing that never failed to bring him some sort of feeling. It wasn’t something that he could explain, neither had he tried to rationalize the feelings that were so foreign. He feared if he thought too much, he’d push that warm feeling away. He was content with just appreciating how whenever Stone was around his issues seemed less… all consuming. They were still there, causing a general discomfort throughout him, but whenever Stone was around, he felt that maybe he could overcome whatever mental block he’d been suffering. 

As the months continued, and the emptiness worsened, Robotnik noticed two things.  
The first thing was that the feelings he harboured for Agent Stone had continued to grow. He’d cracked and decided to research what was making him feel so odd, assuming that all of the strange feelings he’d been having over the past year and a half could only be caused by one thing. It seemed the only logical thought- or at least at the time. He read paper after paper on human emotion, an overwhelming feeling of dread settling in when he realised what it was.  
It was love.  
Something he could say he’d never truly felt before. And he just felt angry at himself. It wasn’t even because he was feeling such a pathetic emotion- no, he was angry because all he could think was ‘how could you think you deserve any type of love?’  
He knew Agent Stone wouldn’t love him back. A small part of him hoped he never would.  
And this was because of the second realization.  
He didn’t feel like he wanted to be alive anymore. The thoughts of ending his own life didn’t begin straight away. At first, it was more of a passive feeling; he didn’t care whether he lived or died. This manifested itself as a general carelessness towards his own wellbeing. When testing new robots designed to attack, or using dangerous equipment, he didn’t take the usual safety precautions he would have. Once again, he didn’t feel like he actively wanted to hurt himself, but the thought that maybe, one of his robots would accidentally mistake him for a target and shoot him down didn’t really bother him. It was this feeling that started to convince the Doctor that something might be wrong.  
However, there was no time for something to be wrong. He had work to do.

Agent Stone still hadn’t noticed anything wrong at that point. Most of Robotnik's change in personality could be chalked up to rather normal parts of his personality. He didn’t like the rain anymore because the weather was getting warmer and he preferred the cold, he secluded himself frequently because he was working on more projects, he took less safety precautions because he was just so eager to get on with his work.  
But Stone did notice eventually.  
He noticed something was wrong when he realised he hadn’t walked in to find the Doctor dancing around his lab in months. This was something he couldn’t find an easy explanation for. Robotnik danced when he was happy, he danced when he was sad, he danced when he was angry, and he even dances when he’s working. So when he realised that he’d just stopped, it became apparent that something was wrong. Maybe all the slow yet noticeable changes were a part of something bigger. And he knew what it was. As soon as he’d put two and two together, he’d quickly realised what was wrong. He should have been able to recognize depression sooner, he should have noticed the pain he was in. But he didn’t.  
And he was at a loss for what to do. The Doctor never accepted help unless he found it absolutely necessary, and that clearly was not the case. He was truly devastated it took him so long to realise. He loved this man, yet it took him so long to realise he was struggling? That he was hurting? It pained him to just think about it. It was agonizing just to think of what he could have done sooner, all the things he could have said that would have perhaps lessened his pain just a little bit. 

He couldn’t just walk up to his boss and say ‘Hey, Sir! Noticed you’ve got a serious case of depression and you should definitely seek help because I’m in love with you and if you were gone I wouldn’t know what to do with myself!’ No, that would be stupid. He also thought it sounded a bit selfish on his part.  
So of course, he did what anyone in his situation would do. He googled ‘how do you help a friend with depression?’, and he read article after article; he didn’t think he’d ever actually gotten to the 2nd page of a google search, let alone the 15th. 

Agent Stone tried his best to help the Doctor in any way he could. He started with little things- when he looked particularly tired he’d give him decaf coffee in hopes he’d sleep better that night, or if he hadn’t seen him eat in a little while, he’d make him something small to eat, even if he knew it was likely to be wasted. It was partially because he didn’t want Robotnik neglecting his own health, and partially because he just wanted to convey to him that he did care. He cared so much.  
Robotnik didn’t take it this way, though. All he saw was pity from a man who had clearly noticed he couldn’t take care of himself. He felt embarrassed and enraged; the man he loved probably saw him as nothing more than a helpless fool. So he rejected whatever help Stone offered. He was unknowingly pushing away the man who loved him, because he was so convinced he wasn’t worthy of love in any form.  
And that’s what depression does- it tells you you’re not worth it. Logically, he knew it was the depression talking. He knew that even though Stone didn’t return his affections, that didn’t make him an awful human being undeserving of love. Yet that still didn’t stop himself from feeling that way.

It wasn’t long until suicidal ideation became a commonplace in his life. It was an overwhelming, all encompassing need to die. He was so tired. He couldn’t even put into words how exhausted he was; his depression had manifested in many physical ways and it made him feel so low all the time. His head hurt constantly, his appetite had completely gone yet his stomach still hurt and he felt nauseous.  
Watching him deteriorate was hurting Stone. He knew it wasn’t long until he cracked and confronted him about this. He didn’t care if he lost his job, if he was berated, or even got the shit beat out of him, he just couldn’t stand idly by watching this happen.

And lo and behold, the opportunity to tell him what he really felt presented itself, after two years of slow declination of health, he finally decided that enough was enough.

A cold Monday morning was nothing out of the ordinary. Agent Stone came in early to make the Doctor breakfast, knowing he wouldn’t have eaten the night before. But as he walked through the bases corridors towards the lab, he noticed something was off. None of the lights had been turned on, which was unusual as the Doctor was always in first, and he’d turn all the lights on. He made it to his lab, knocking on the door and peering in to find Robotnik wasn’t there. There was an immediate sinking feeling in his gut; something wasn’t right. He ran out of the building back to his car in seconds, frantically checking his emails hoping that he was just sick, that he was taking a day off. But he saw nothing. He drove well over the speed limit to Robotnik’s house, calling his mobile over and over pleading for there to be an answer, begging any God that he be safe.  
He arrived quickly and ran to his house, using the spare key to get in, not considering any consequences he might face for barging in like he did. A small part in the back of his mind considered he’d just slept through his alarm- but he’d never been one to ignore a gut feeling, especially given the circumstances. 

Robotnik’s door was ajar, and he walked in, breathing heavily as his eyes scanned the room for the familiar face. He was still in bed, he wasn’t asleep, but he certainly wasn’t responding to Stones presence. He noticed there were a few small containers of pills beside the Doctor, causing him to immediately rush to his side, picking up all of them at once.  
“Have you taken any? How many did you take? Ivo, you need to tell me right now if you’ve taken anything.” He practically begged for an answer, opening every container, relief washing over him as they all appeared to be full.  
Ivo was now looking up at him with such tired eyes, that it broke Stone’s heart into pieces. In all of his 5 years of knowing the Doctor, he had never seen such a look in his eyes. He sat down on his bed, shaking hands moving slowly to touch his face.  
“You’re okay.” He smiled, tears now freely falling.  
“I’m so glad you’re okay.” The Doctor wordlessly leaned into Stones warm touch, realising he’d never been so thankful to see him. They sat there in silence for a few minutes, Robotnik just enjoying the moment that felt so surreal, and Stone trying to calm himself, telling himself ‘he’s okay’ in his head over and over.  
Robotnik broke the silence.  
“I didn’t take any.” Stone’s hand moved down to grab his, giving it a reassuring squeeze.  
“Did you plan on it?” The Doctor looked embarrassed, and he avoided eye contact. Perhaps it would be better if he didn’t know.  
“It doesn’t matter. You’re okay. Please, don’t hurt yourself, Sir.” Robotnik continued to avoid eye contact.  
“You don’t have to go through this alone, you know?” He asked, lightly touching his face once again with his free hand.  
“I know it’s hard. Believe me, I know. And I know I can't just solve your problems, as much as I wish I could. But you are an amazing man.” He said, emphasizing his point with another squeeze of his hand.  
“You don’t deserve to suffer. You deserve good things, Ivo. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel safe, and you deserve to live the life you want to live. Please accept my help. I don’t want to sound selfish, but the past two years, it’s been so hard to just watch you suffer so much. I love you so much and you deserve so much more than to live a life like this.” The tears had begun streaming down his face once again, and this time Robotnik had joined him in his crying. Everything he said had meant so much to him, but once thing had really struck him.  
“You love me?” Robotnik asked, with hopeful eyes.  
“I thought I was quite obvious about that.” Stone grinned. He was still coming down from the adrenaline from earlier, but he still felt the sinking feeling as he knew his unrequited love was now known.  
“I love you.” Robotnik said. Well. Agent Stone was not expecting that. And he didn’t really know what to say. He decided there was only one obvious course of action. He leaned forward and gently kissed the Doctor, not really giving him much of a chance to kiss back. 

“I’m so happy to hear that.” The softness in his voice made Robotnik genuinely smile for the first time in what felt like months. His face was still red from the shock of the kiss, but he wasn’t thinking of that right now.

“Thank you,” the Doctor said, reaching his own hand up to touch Agent Stone’s face gently for the first time.  
“Thank you for being there.”  
“I would have been there no matter what, Ivo. Love can't fix this, and as much as I wish I had some quick fix so I could just see you be happy again, I don’t. But I think this is as good a place as any to start. Will you please take some time off work so we can focus on your health? I promise I’ll be with you every step of the way.” It was a bold move, suggesting he took time off work, but he knew that deep down, the Doctor knew that was what he really needed.  
Robotnik certainly did not look happy about the suggestion. Time off work seemed wasteful; but realistically, what work had he actually completed in the past few months?

“Fine. But if another Doctor tries to tell me that the reason I can’t sleep is because of your lattés, I’m going to commit crimes.”  
Stone smiled, because he knew they were decaf anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> The last two lines are my favourite, they cheered me up. 
> 
> Depression can affect any of us. If you're ever struggling, even if it seems small, please reach out to someone for help. You don't have to suffer in silence, and you don't have to go through it alone.


End file.
